No stitches, just platelets and will power
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
