You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
