In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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