I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
