Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
