His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
