Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
