so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
