The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
