New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
