Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
