You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
