it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
