My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
