So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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