My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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