Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My bed smells like the plague
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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