um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
