Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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