you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
