By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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