theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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