fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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