I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize