He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
