When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
