I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
