so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
