You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize