apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
