Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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