ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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