So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
