I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
