wanna go halves on a baby?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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