I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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