i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
