I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
