Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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