I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
