I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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