Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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