One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
