Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
