Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
