roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
