A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
