i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize