What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
