i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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