I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
