Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
