I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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