Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
