YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
