Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
