I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
