I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
