when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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