Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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