Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
