I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize