he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
