im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
