I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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