allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize