Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
