I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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