wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
