Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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